Sometimes a child shows excessive love for their mother and anger towards their father; this may indicate they are going through a stage of psychosexual development known as the Oedipus complex . This typically appears in children between the ages of 3 and 7 and is a normal stage of emotional development.
Here we explain a little more about the Oedipus complex, examples, why it appears and how to react to it.
What is it?
The Oedipus complex is a concept in psychoanalytic theory developed by Sigmund Freud , who first mentioned it in his book "The Interpretation of Dreams." Freud drew on Greek mythology to explain his concept, specifically the love story between Oedipus and his mother. Oedipus went so far as to confront and kill his own father, the King of Thebes, to take his place, and even married his own mother, Queen Jocasta.
According to Sigmund Freud, this complex is the primary source of the development of all neurotic illnesses. Addressing this issue is key to a person's mental health, and ignoring this concept can lead to tragic consequences. In females, it is called the Electra complex, in which the girl experiences unrequited love for her father. Although it may have a different name, the methodology is the same.
The three states of the complex
The Oedipus complex can manifest itself in different ways: it is a hostile attitude toward members of the same sex, the opposite sex, or all genders . As a result of this analysis, Freud identified three basic stages. We will consider this using the example of a child:
- Positive. This is a complex in which a child is attracted to the opposite sex, but shows a hostile attitude towards his own gender (the child yearns for the mother, not the father).
- Negative. Boys are attracted to same-sex representation but have negative attitudes toward the opposite sex (boys are friends with their fathers, but have no respect for their mothers).
- Business suit. The child is aggressive towards both sexes (the child is jealous and hates both parents).
What is the Oedipus complex?
The presence of an Oedipus complex can be determined by the behavior of some children and adults. Its appearance may be related to the child's individual characteristics, the parents' character and behavior, the level of education, and the degree of freedom in the environment. The basic signs of manifestation are:
- Irritability. The child is always in a state of nervousness. He was overwhelmed by negative emotions: anger, hate, jealousy, resentment. These sensations mix and provoke inappropriate reactions.
- Excessive demands, on a whim. The child does whatever it takes to get the attention of one or two parents (depending on the type of complication). He shows resentment of her at any time, losing his temper and refusing to go about his daily activities.
- Difficulty separating. Children can become very distressed when separated from their attachment figures. She couldn't accept the fact that his beloved father wouldn't be near him for a while. Babies get nervous, cry and lose their temper.
- Refuse to communicate. Children showing an Oedipus complex often refuse to communicate with their peers. He wants to be with his mother or her father all the time, because only his immediate presence can make the child feel calm and safe.
Tips for the Oedipus complex in childhood
To prevent this complex from affecting the proper psychological and emotional development of children, specialists recommend following these guidelines :
- Always tell the truth.
- Never give more information beyond what your child has asked you.
- Children must have a living space, a space that gives them privacy.
- The father must explain to the child why he cannot marry the mother.
- Avoid expressions of affection between partners in the presence of children, as it can increase their jealousy.
- Avoid competing for breast attention. Divide your time between the two of you so that negative feelings towards her father are not fostered.
- Parents are advised to spend more time with their children and to dedicate time to things in common with the child such as playing, walks...
- Avoid criticizing, judging or making fun of the attitudes and behaviors that a child's Oedipus complex provokes, which he considers normal, even if they seem strange or absurd to an adult. Accept it as it is.
Main characteristics of the Oedipus complex in the adult stage
If the strong attachment to the mother is not overcome naturally when a person leaves childhood, a pattern of behavior of the adult Oedipus complex develops. This condition can be caused by maladaptive parenting styles, including overprotective mothers.
In some cases, it is not easy to notice signs of attachment because they occur in an exclusive dynamic between mother and child. That is, a person can have an apparently independent life, but his decisions will be based on the relationship with his mother.
Most of the signs observed in men with Oedipus complexes center on the conflict they experience in establishing intimate relationships. Some of these characteristics may include the following:
- Fear of intimacy with others.
- They seek relationships with older people.
- They have a hard time maintaining a relationship.
- They change partners frequently.
- It is difficult to achieve economic independence.
- Unfulfilled expectations in love.
- They themselves sabotage their relationship.
- Sexual dysfunction of psychological origin.
- They depend on their mothers to make personal decisions.
- Platonic admiration for his mother.
What are the consequences of the adult Oedipus complex?
As we said, the Oedipus complex is normal up to a certain age. But once childhood is over, young people need to rely less on their mothers and develop better relationships with their fathers.
Some consequences of not overcoming the attachment of the child to the mother may be the following:
- Unable to achieve personal goals.
- You tend to have intense arguments and conflicts with your partner.
- Low tolerance for setbacks.
- Difficult to be self-sufficient.
- emotional immaturity
The aforementioned consequences are associated with self-esteem issues that can be mitigated through the sense of protection provided by the mother figure. An unresolved Oedipus complex prevents men from leaving their comfort zone and taking ownership of their experiences. Therefore, if the problem exists, regardless of its origin, the most crucial step is to address it with the help of a professional.
Hence the importance of fathers and mothers respecting their child as a completely independent person. The child must be helped to develop personal relationships and adapt to society, in which they will develop tomorrow. I hope this article has been useful to you.
