Profile of an abuser, those who generate severe psychological damage
It is a shame that abuse is a phenomenon that can occur in interpersonal relationships, both within couples and within families, and even among schoolmates (which is considered bullying) and coworkers (mobbing).
One of the most common and least taken into account forms (since it is not seen with the naked eye) is psychological abuse, which is equal to or even more recurrent than physical abuse. Psychological abuse causes serious mental problems for victims.
Psychological abuse is often silent, yet it is an ordeal for those who suffer from it. One of the most common consequences is low self-esteem, but in addition, people who suffer psychological and emotional abuse suffer serious problems such as anxiety, stress, depression, and even substance abuse.
Characteristics of an abuser
Now, what is the profile of an abuser? What features do they have? Listed below are the most common habits and traits of an abuser.
1.- They are intolerant people
Intolerant people are those who disrespect the opinions, behaviors, or attitudes of others. Therefore, they react aggressively, resentfully, and rudely, because they believe their own will is not justified. They are generally sexist.
2.- At first, everything is rosy
Abusers don't initially appear intolerant; on the contrary, in the initial stages of the relationship, they know how to behave and hide their true selves, which may take some time to emerge. Once trust is established, destructive behaviors begin to appear.
3.- They are authoritarian people
An abuser's almost obligatory characteristic is being anti-democratic and intransigent. They love order, but from a subjective perspective, that is, based on their own judgment. Regardless of whether they're right or wrong, if they're not obeyed, they explode.
4.- Psychologically rigid
Manipulators have rigid thinking, and the only truth they pursue is their own. They aren't people who seek dialogue and agreement; rather, they are afraid of giving in to someone else's decisions. Anything that doesn't fit with their thinking is wrong, and thus they guarantee that the only truth is the one they hold.
Furthermore, these people tend to think in completely stagnant and rigid ways, which makes it easy for them to be unsympathetic toward others, even when there is no reason for it.
5.- They have dichotomous thinking
Because they are completely rigid people, there is no middle ground for them; everything is either right or wrong. They often make their victims feel guilty for things they haven't done, or for things they have done that aren't wrong.
6.- They are not self-critical
Because they are highly rigid people, and the only truth they believe in is their own, they cannot accept criticism. Any criticism they receive is seen as an attack on their identity, and because of their outlook on life, criticism is never considered a constructive contribution.
Victims are the ones who pay for their lack of fit in society and their sense of failure by becoming its guinea pigs. Furthermore, manipulators are not self-critical, at least not systematically, unless they encounter an experience that makes them take a 180-degree turn in their outlook on life.
7.- They dedicate themselves to criticizing
Although they aren't self-critical, manipulators love and are adept at criticizing others with ease. They find other people's flaws and emotionally trample on them for their weakness. They are even capable of inventing a weakness to make the victim feel worse. Criticism is never constructive; it's designed to make people suffer, and they enjoy their reaction.
8.- They change their mood in seconds
Mood swings are common in these individuals; they can go from pleasant to furious in just a few seconds. Because they are people for whom there is no middle ground, they can go from being charming to horrible.
9.- They are easily offended
These sudden mood swings are attributed to their hypersensitivity, which is why they often feel offended. As mentioned above, if something doesn't fit their truth, then it's wrong.
10.- They isolate the victim
The isolation of the victims is one of the main objectives of the abuser, which is why he forces them to be totally submissive.
11.- They are cruel and lack sensitivity
One of the heaviest features of the profile of an abuser It's the fact that sensitivity isn't part of them, and psychological abuse often extends to their children. It can even become physical, and in extreme cases, they may even abuse their pets.
12.- They never regret it
Abusers are people who never regret what they do, continuing with the idea of the previous point, they tend to have this type of behavior with many people. That is why, among other things, that it is a psychological profile that should be kept away, since there is not even the possibility that they will reconsider at some point.
13.- They make fictitious promises
Although they may appear to be regret many times, These people They often make false promises. They're experts at apologizing, but they don't really repent. Their typical phrase, "I'm going to change," means nothing, because they act the same way at the slightest hint of change.
14.- They are excessively controlling
Constantly needing to feel superior to others, they also need to control them. Despite being insecure and fearing being exposed, control becomes their best ally. This way, nothing can slip through their fingers.
15.- They do not control themselves emotionally
Although they want to control others, they lack control over themselves. Many are emotionally illiterate. Therefore, they act impulsively and don't reflect on what's going on inside them.
16.- They never stop
Following on from the previous point, since they lack the capacity for reflection, they are people who cannot stop; for them, the end justifies the means. They can even act stealthily when in public, turning their victims' lives into a true torment.
17.- They know how to seduce
Since they are charming at first, they tend to trap and entice their victims. Seduction is very easy for them.
18.- They lie excessively
It's obvious that a manipulator isn't honest. They are, in fact, expert liars; they spill lie after lie without guilt and with confidence. They rarely tell the truth, as their focus is always on hurting the other person.
19.- They constantly victimize themselves
This is one of the most interesting points of the profile of an abuser. They are always blaming others for their own actions, so victimizing themselves is one of their favorite activities to justify themselves.
Typical victim-like phrases like "You don't love me because you're more concerned about others than me," and many others that we've probably overlooked due to misinformation, are simply disguises used by the abuser to make himself appear as the victim. The psychological damage is ongoing, but in many cases, it's often indirect; most often, they are masked as false victimhood.
20.- Low or no empathy
Abusers, obviously, lack empathy. In other words, they don't recognize or engage with others' emotions. This is why they can victimize themselves without any resentment.
Now that you know the features of the profile of an abuserAsk yourself: Do you know any of them? Or, even worse, do you live with any of them? All of these attitudes should be taken into account, and if you're around someone with these characteristics, flee; talk to someone if necessary, but never allow them to affect your mental well-being.
If you found this article interesting, check out our related article on healthy couple relationships.