To live with the in-laws it is important to have a series of social and emotional tools, in order to handle the situation without problems, in this article we will show you how to do it.
living with the in-laws
For many years, in-laws have been considered the closest relatives to any couple, they have also been the most vilified and hated by one of the components of the marriage, although many cases do not reflect this situation. However, it is believed that mothers-in-law are the most hated by both parties.
The tensions created through the years have been forming a fame related to life with the in-laws. Likewise, they are observed in the common comments, jokes and jokes related to the situation and experiences with mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law. These tensions are varied and there are really couples who live with their in-laws without any problems.
From the psychological point of view, it can be said that in some way it is not advantageous to live with the in-laws, especially when a stable relationship is beginning. On the other hand, there are situations and factors that make a couple have to live with their in-laws.
Other cases have shown that the relationship has ended due to the constant intervention of the mother-in-law or the father-in-law in the marital intimacy and the education of the children. There is a situation that, according to statistics and some studies, is linked to disagreement and incompatibility between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law.
The same does not happen between the father-in-law and the son-in-law, but the realities of the couple must be made up mostly of two people who have the privacy to live alone. Although in the first years of the relationship there are differences. But let's see some aspects that determine different situations in how to live with the in-laws.
The pros and cons
Although not everything is bad in this type of relationship, we are going to discover the advantages and disadvantages of live with the in-laws, even at the end of the article we will give some tools to be able to cope with the in-laws-children relationship in case you find yourself living that situation.
Advantages
Among the advantages we have one that is extremely important, and it is related to the economy. The in-laws are really our parents who seek the best quality of life for their children, no matter if they are by blood or politicians. But when you live with your in-laws, the economic situation of the couple is very stable.
Likewise, household chores are less intense, since the trades are distributed among several, likewise the care of children often falls into the hands of the in-laws. Also and closely related to this aspect is that children can enjoy their grandparents almost every day, something that would not happen if they lived far from them.
In some cases, the family relationship is strengthened and problems are resolved quickly, the family bond is consolidated despite the fact that there may be friction, communication and feelings are expressed in a better way. In the article family problems, elements appear that can help resolve these conflicts.
Disadvantages
One of the most demanded is the intimate part, the couple feels that their intimacy is violated, privacy is very limited as well as the way of being together and being able to communicate. Another aspect to take into account are the conflicts generated by compliance with the rules of coexistence in the home.
We all know that most couples establish their own rules when they start living together, however, when living with the in-laws they must put aside certain ways of life and adapt to the conditions imposed by the homeowners. Of course, friction begins and conflicts arise.
Autonomy in the couple is lost as well as intimate communication, where even some important decisions must be taken into consideration according to the opinion of the in-laws. An aspect that is much discussed, especially by mothers, is that children receive authoritarian education instructions from their in-laws.
The interference in education is a critical point that many parents believe also alters the stability of the couple. Living with in-laws represents an extremely uncomfortable situation and even more so when you have children. reading the following article impulse control, you will be able to develop tools to overcome this situation.
Although the little ones benefit the most, the parents feel their presence and authority violated when the grandparents determine how the boys should be raised. With regard to grandparents, it is advisable to let the parents themselves exercise education and authority over the children.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
Consequences
The situation and the environment that creates discomfort that can grow as the couple has negative encounters, discussions and adversities, either with the parents of the wife or the parents of the husband. Little by little, situations are generated in which they generate some type of consequence. There are such serious cases where the couple has reached the point of divorce.
When there is the possibility of getting married, the first thing that comes to mind is where the couple is going to live. The in-laws as an act of good faith offer their housing as an alternative and part of an agreement until they can get a home of their own.
However, this situation is distorted in the first place and the couple ends up living almost forever with the in-laws. Another aspect to consider is that the couple must keep in mind that in order to establish a marriage relationship, it is important to consider living together no matter where or what they do.
Raising the alternative of living with the in-laws is not a very wise decision. But if there is no alternative, there is no other choice. As we stated, the in-laws generally help the couple financially until they can find their own place to live.
But considering that it is already inevitable to live with the in-laws, it is inevitable then to know that over time this alternative can generate certain consequences, let's see what they are:
- Not having marital independence makes it difficult to plan to have children, nor can it be that the spaces in the house of the in-laws do not have the availability for an additional room.
- Conflicts are created where some of the subjects believe that their son does not deserve the person next to him, since he did not have the capacity to plan the acquisition of a home.
- The couple is forced to comply with the rules established in the house of the in-laws. For no reason is a filiation of them raised and the couple must abide by them.
- Authoritarian situations prevail. Some in-laws still see their children as children and impose rules and regulations on them that are difficult to accept.
- The economic contribution must be consistent and the couple must contribute a considerable amount of their income to support the home, thus limiting their ability to save to find the alternative of purchasing a home.
How to avoid it?
The situations created in relation to living with the subjects determine certain elements that must be considered. First, there is the case where one of the parties does not want to live with her in-laws for any reason.
There is also the possibility where both do not want it but due to certain economic conditions or to seek in some way to establish themselves together, they do so in a mandatory way. Likewise, there are cases of incompatibility between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, the son-in-law and the mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law and the father-in-law or the barren and the father-in-law.
Each of the situations is always uncomfortable, for everyone. That is why the couple should avoid seeking to live with the in-laws for any reason when some of the above conditions exist. However, there are situations in which neither party has disagreements with the in-laws.
Coexistence is carried in the best way. However, it is considered that no matter how natural and sociable the relationship is, it will always be important to consider living with your partner in your own home.
buy a home
One of the ways to avoid living with the in-laws is to plan a marriage through a life plan. When a person establishes this goal, he must also consider within the marriage the possibility of creating stability that is generated thanks to the acquisition of a home, owned or rented.
If they want us to live with the in-laws, it is important that they think about acquiring some type of home during the courtship, regardless of the condition. The important thing is that they can live together and alone. This type of condition allows the couple to be given autonomy and over time to establish their own conditions that allow them to acquire their own home.
The empty nest
It is a syndrome that psychologists establish when the couple lives with the in-laws and demand the need for independence to live in their own home. It is inevitable that in-laws become involved in their children's married life, especially if they live on the same roof.
Solution to problems
In case you decide to live with your in-laws and it is inevitable to be under the same roof, it is recommended to remain calm and look for emotional alternatives where the virtues related to patience, coexistence and kindness are developed. Likewise, think of the thanks to the in-laws for having provided the roof and living with the couple.
In these cases, the solution can last for some time, calm can be lost, they also think about the conflicts that are generated and the types of adversity. It is important to remember that while the couple is living in the in-laws' house, they must abide by all their conditions.
An important detail results when the house is very large and there is enough space, this will allow establishing economic independence and living within the same home as the in-laws.
These cases also exist and are less problematic, since the couple lives independently and is not directly linked to the activities and way of life of the in-laws. However, there are very few who can enjoy this situation.
Tolerance
If there is any kind of difference between the couple and the father-in-law or mother-in-law (generally the mother-in-law), a reflection should be made where both parties meet and environments of tolerance, respect and understanding can be created. Many times the disagreements are generated by small and meaningless situations, which can be resolved in a simple way.
It may be that getting to know the other person better, we realize that there is in the mother-in-law or the father-in-law, as well as the daughter-in-law and the son-in-law, a person with whom a relationship of friendship and harmony can be established without the need to enter into unnecessary conflicts. .
To overcome some situations related to this topic, we recommend the following article Importance of empathy, which will help you understand more about human relationships.
Conclusions
It is no secret to anyone that the possibilities of conflict increase when seeking to live with the in-laws. The reverse is the same way. If any of the parents of the couple looks for a way to live with the marriage of her son, there may be the possibility that problems will be generated.
Although in the case of in-laws when they seek to live with their partner it is a little different, there will always be the possibility of problems, of any kind. We recommend as a preventive measure to avoid living with the in-laws as much as possible. Even if you don't have viable options, find a way to encourage you to avoid living under the same roof with your in-laws.
Make relevant decisions if you really want to move forward in the marriage, do not think that the situation will be as rosy as it was a few years before when you lived with your parents. The life of a child is not the same as an adult. Some parents don't think of her that way.