Honest Movie Posters: An Unnecessary Good
Honest movie posters are impossible. But they are funny. What if, in a parallel universe, film producers decided to be one hundred percent honest on their posters? Can you imagine a world where movie posters were honest?
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Not so much for plot or quality, but for condensing the film's main appeal into a single sentence; the fundamental reason why many people will go to the theaters. Practical example: you can call Jennifer Lopez's latest film Hustlers , or also, JLo IS 50 YEARS OLD. Pure, unadulterated movie marketing.
Below are some translated examples of honest movie posters created by the excellent The Shiznit . This cultural website has been bringing order to the world of film advertising for some time now, with very comical results.
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"Don't watch this movie with your wife if you've cheated on her. A moving and well-acted drama destined to be remembered as a MEME TEMPLATE." -
«Fuck you, Scorsese» -
"In fact, 1917 is not a sequence shot without cuts, is it? Editing is the enemy." -
"A scandal exposed about the network that fucks the news" -
"Your annual reminder that Christian Bale is British" -
"JLO is 50" -
“The anti-war satire that is totally anti-war because… err, look, Hitler with a funny face! A hilarious comedy» -
"Another comic book movie with delusions of grandeur? Lol no thanks» -
"I haven't seen this movie yet, but it doesn't matter: Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself" -
“Normal sized women. You can have a little wife as a whim» -
“Good God Tarantino, we got it… you've seen more movies than us. If you love the '60s so much, move there." -
“In a rational world, this would win the Oscar for Best Picture but…you know…subtitles. Bad Korean Move» -
«Netflix made Scorsese a Hoffa (offer / offer) that he could not refuse. Mafia Legends Assemble» -
The only good Adam Sandler movie this decade. The next one is expected in 2030.
Honest Marriage Story Poster
It's one of the most honest movie posters we've ever seen. Marriage Story (read our review here) is a film that "you shouldn't watch with your wife if you've been unfaithful," the honest poster states. Noah Baumbach's film is nominated for the 2020 Oscars for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Original Screenplay, and Best Original Score.
Do not see her with your wife if you have ever cheated on her.
A moving and well-acted drama destined to be remembered as a MEME TEMPLATE.
Basically 'Kramer vs. Kramer' but on Netflix.
Avengers: Endgame honest poster
"Suck on that," the Avengers tell Martin Scorsese, alluding to the Irishman director's repeated criticisms of the supposed damage Marvel/Disney superhero movies are doing to the film industry. More information in this article.
1917 honest poster
As we mentioned in our review of 1917, one of the most discussed technical (and general) aspects of the exceptional film 1917 is its use of a single-shot sequence. Needless to say, it's not a true, uncut single take. Even so, its satirical poster plays on this idea. Many have even come to believe that the miracle was actually possible: filming two hours of horror and war in one continuous shot.
The war for attention continues.
IT'S REALLY NOT A SINGLE TAKE, ALTHOUGH, IS IT?
Assembly is the enemy.
1917 is nominated for best picture, best director, best cinematography, best original screenplay, best sound mixing, best sound editing, best soundtrack, best production design, best editing and best visual effects.
Honest Bombshell Poster
Wow, do you think Fox has a prototype of a woman?
A shocking revelation about the network that FUCKS THE NEWS.
Number one among sexual predators.
Bombshell, a fascinating film about a recent (and real) sex scandal in the United States, opens in Spain on February 7th. It is nominated for Oscars for Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, and Best Makeup and Hairstyling.
Honest Le Mans 66 Poster
A vehicle to the Oscar.
Your annual awards season reminder that CHRISTIAN BALE IS BRITISH.
Le Mans '66 is nominated for Best Film, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing and Best Editing.
Honest Wall Street Hustlers Poster
Somehow, Jennifer Lopez is 50 years old. What? How? She is the same age as Zack Galifianakis.
J. HAS IT 50.
Really. He is 50.
Honest Jojo Rabbit Poster
Just released last week in Spain, Jojo Rabbit (read our review here) is nominated for the Oscar for best picture, best supporting actress, best adapted screenplay, best costume design, best production design and best editing.
The anti-war satire that's totally anti-war because…uh…Look! Hitler is making faces!
LOLOCAUST
A hilarious comedy!
Honest Joker Poster
Joker , arguably the favorite at this year's hotly contested 2020 Oscars, is also the film with the most nominations. Joker is nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Costume Design, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing, Best Original Score, Best Film Editing, and Best Makeup and Hairstyling.
Another movie with delusions of grandeur based on a comic?
LOL NO GSS
PS Being a shit as a monologist is not an excuse to be bad.
Honest Judy Poster
I haven't seen this movie yet.
Anyway, JEFFREY EPSTEIN DID NOT COMMIT SUICIDE.
Sorry, what were we talking about?
Judy , nominated for best lead actress and best makeup and hairstyling.
Honest Little Women Poster
REGULAR SIZE WOMEN.
You can have a little woman as a whim.
Little Women, nominated for Best Picture, Best Leading Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Costume Design, and Best Soundtrack.
Honest Poster for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Jesus, Tarantino.
WE GOT IT… YOU'VE SEEN MORE MOVIES THAN US.
If you love the 60s so much, go live there.
Once Upon a Time in… Hollywood (click here to watch its first seven minutes online) is nominated for best picture, best director, best lead actor, best supporting actor, best cinematography, best original screenplay, best costume design, best sound mixing, best sound editing and best production design.
Honest Parasite Poster
Parasite, Postposmo's favorite to sweep the Oscars (another way of saying we think Parasite is the best film of 2019 ), is nominated for the 2020 Oscars in the categories of Best Picture, Best Director, Best Foreign Language Film, Best Original Screenplay, Best Production Design, and Best Film Editing. Click on this link to discover 10 details and interesting facts you might have missed about Parasite , the film of the year. Did you know that a Parasite series is already in the works?
In a sane world this movie would win best picture, but…you know…subtitles.
BAD PLAY BY KOREA.
No, this is not proof that your maid is stealing from you.
Honest The Irishman Poster
Netflix has made Scorsese a hoff-ert he couldn't refuse.
Marty's Cinematic Universe.
MAFIA LEGENDS, ASSEMBLE
On November 1 the selected cinemas. November 27 is when it ends.
The Irishman (read our review here) , nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Costume Design, Best Production Design, Best Editing, and Best Visual Effects. If you want to know all the details about the visual effects in The Irishman, we recommend our article or this curious fan-made CGI remaster of The Irishman .
Honest Diamonds in the Rough Poster
We've saved the best honest movie poster of the season for last. On January 31st, what is possibly Adam Sandler's best film to date (along with The Meyerowitz Stories) premieres in Spain: Uncut Gems ( 7,4 rating on FilmAffinity) . Its satirical poster plays on this idea. Certainly, when it comes to lighthearted films of questionable quality, few actors and actresses can rival Adam's reign.
Run by a pissed off yeshiva student and a nice dentist.
THE ONLY GOOD ADAM SANDLER MOVIE THIS DECADE.
The next one is scheduled for 2030.
