Today, there are many households and families, going through multiple difficulties, whether economic, health, employment, or personal, that generate a lot of stress among their members, circumstances that have triggered a new social phenomenon called family bullying.
family bullying
From a few years ago to the present, the term bullying has become very common among children and adolescents, who generally suffer from it within their schools and colleges, or in social groups of which they are participants.
However, this type of abuse, which can be both physical and psychological, is becoming more and more present in the home, being classified as Family Bullying. You can also read other topics of interest such as Reflections on the importance of family
Unfortunately, the family is not exempt from suffering from this situation, although it is often difficult to detect the presence of this type of family bullying by third parties, since the situation is suffered within the family group and, in general, its members. they do not externalize these problems with the outside world.
They may even think that it is a typical and normal situation between families. Usually, this type of bullying is generated by the violence present in sharing between siblings, although there are also examples that occur between constant fights between parents, or even between parents and children.
Most of the time, parents, who are the ones who run the house, do not detect the type of problem they face, especially when it comes to fights between siblings, seeing it as common and even "normal" behavior. , without being able to differentiate when it is a case of rivalry or when the abuses transcend to another plane where despotism reigns.
Because it is a relatively new term, there are very few studies on Family Bullying, however, because it is being done all over the world, it has already caught the attention of some experts in the field of psychology, who began to focus their investigations, based on the type of abuse that has been occurring between siblings.
Within the societies of the Western world, those on abuse between siblings have become very common, even surpassing the existing statistics on mistreatment of women or child abuse, parameters that are also currently being taken within family bullying.
This type of abuse is also classified as intra-family bullying, having as another of its causes or origins, dysfunctional marriages, which are those where the couple lives constantly fighting, verbally insulting each other and even physical abuse, framed within threats and blackmail of all kinds.
This kind of marriage makes the development of the family environment polluting and very negative both for the couple and for the rest of the family, since involved in a situation of euphoria, they can end up paying their anger and frustrations, hurting or mistreating others. their children.
These highly harmful behaviors can also occur in dating relationships. There are marriages that come into conflict when they contrast violent behaviors or behaviors, which they did not have before and that begin to emerge with the development of the relationship, affecting the entire family nucleus, with the children being the ones who carry the worst burden.
Does the phenomenon really exist?
The fact that there is little information about Family Bullying cannot be an excuse for parents not to educate themselves on the subject, and then educate their children based on the subject, so that they become aware of the phenomenon they suffer from and that it is a serious trouble.
When there are problems in the family, especially in the couple, that trigger a separation, many times, that failure of the marriage is also considered as the failure in terms of the conformation of the family.
Children who live in a home full of conflicts generally do not know how to express their feelings, falling into imitation of the same behavior that they observe in their parents, and through that, release their misfortunes a little.
When we do not educate our children informed about Family Bullying, we are condemning them to repeat the same failed and conflict-filled history suffered by their parents and by themselves when they were children, in their futures as adults. This problem requires a specialist to be able to resolve family conflicts and abuses in a good way.
There are many factors that can be taken as clear symptoms of the presence of Family Bullying within the home, among which can be named, the generation of violence and abuse among family members, the disintegration or separation of the family nucleus, having a home with the absence of basic rules of healthy coexistence, parental abandonment, among others.
Generally, all the circumstances mentioned above are the causes that originate the great problems of society today, drugs, vandalism, early pregnancy, bullying, etc. Experts have made a comparison between the type of parents today and those of the past, the first being more permissive with their children and without being able to dedicate either quantity or quality of time and guidance.
They leave them at the mercy of the bad examples they see on the Internet or that they practice with friends and other companies that are almost always unknown to their parents, acting freely and without any type of supervision, in this globalized and technological modernity (cell phones, computers, televisions, tablets etc)
It is amazing today to see family members not having gatherings to share, but each one acting as a guest within the same house. There is no communication between them and each one is immersed in her own things. Parents are unaware of their children's problems, and children do not talk to their parents either.
For psychologists, most of the time, children and young people seek to express their problems and frustrations through their bad behavior and the generation of violence, which translates into a wake-up call for their parents. Lacking the necessary maturity to deal with their own conflicts, the way they manage to vent is by reflecting these behaviors and behaviors.
Due to how delicate the issue of family bullying is, it is necessary for all parents to be constantly vigilant and pay close attention to their surroundings, to the situations that may arise within their family nucleus and seek the necessary help to counteract them in time. .
Family bullying does not occur only in families made up of a married couple and their children, but also in those that are mixed, that is, those made up of grandparents, uncles, cousins, among others. We must always be attentive to the signs that children show, especially the smallest ones who turn out to be the most vulnerable.
Parents will be in charge of educating their children in the correct way, knowing how to handle situations of rivalry that may arise between their children, the most common cases being the arrival of a new member of the family, an issue that must be handled very well by the parents so that conflicts do not arise in the future
Family bullying feeds on dysfunctional environments, in homes where limits are not established and with excesses, where abuse reigns and there is an absence of affective ties between family members. Similarly, you can try to help your family by employing wellness techniques such as Emotional Intelligence Games for Kids
Many times, society is to blame, since it substitutes in the worst way, the orientation and direction that children should receive from their parents, changing it for entertainment content, news and others, whose content is highly violent, making it seem " cool”, where bad behaviors are reinforced and even rewarded, sending the wrong message.
Causes that originate it
Next, we will mention some of the possible causes that generate family bullying, so that you are able to detect it and stop it in time:
- This type of abuse is generally manifested by people with low self-esteem, who lived in conflictive homes.
- It can be caused by one or more siblings, who acts as an abuser of other family members.
- The absence of family values may appear as another factor that promotes this type of bullying.
- Having disinterested parents or also the absence of one of the parents permanently.
- When children are educated by two types of parents: some who behave indifferent and others who are too controlling and demanding.
when it starts at home
Although the phenomenon of bullying usually occurs within schools, in reality the origin of its appearance was from the home. The word bullying is conceptualized as a type of harassment or abuse that people suffer, which can be both physical and mental.
It can happen to an individual or a group of people, who are consciously victimized. It can occur in any place or space, the most common being the home and school. This type of harassment is caused by the people towards those around them or with whom they live.
Most of the time, it has its origin in an unstable family environment, characterized by the presence of aggressiveness between parents, personal and economic problems, which generate an aggressiveness that children emulate, creating a very negative environment with lack of values and of respect.
When children constantly receive physical punishment, they are formed with a conflictive and very violent personality, other times repressed, which they release through harassment, being the school the ideal place to practice it. That is why it is necessary to educate children and people in general about family bullying, promoting values such as responsibility, respect, obedience and freedom at home.
sibling bullying
Within the topic of family bullying, it is necessary to learn more about mistreatment and abuse between siblings, since it is the most frequent type of harassment among all. Experts have indicated that the statistics point to data showing that every third to half of underage children suffer or are immersed in some type of fraternal harassment.
It has even been established that much more than school bullying occurs. The indicators reflect really surprising data, which fall into the skeptical. It has been seen as "normal" that the brothers get along like cats and dogs, which makes people not perceive when the limits are crossed.
Many times, siblings have very different personalities, and their behaviors can lead to the existence of some rivalry or healthy competition between them, causing them to pinch and kick each other, but beware, you have to be aware when the harassment becomes in mistreatment, that is, in family bullying.
Hating and loving each other is something very representative and common among siblings, and even among other family members, but you have to be vigilant and ready to correct such behaviors when they begin to manifest in a cruel way, attention parents!
Rivalry as the first cause
Sibling rivalry has become "normal" taking into account everyday life and family upbringing. Fights and discussions between siblings become frequent while they are young, but in general, they are stages that are overcome when they are older.
There are even those who are of the opinion that these conflicts create a personality for the child, which will serve him in the future when dealing with the problems that occur in life. Most of the discussions, fights and conflicts between siblings are resolved by talking and reaching consensus among them.
However, the situations framed within bullying between siblings go beyond simple trivial fights, since in this particular case, it is not the two who participate but circumstances in which one of them comes against the other.
When the mistreatment and abuse of one of the siblings is revealed in a continuous way towards the other, taking advantages in terms of greater strength, size and age, then it can be before a severe case of family bullying, where the relationship leaves to be in healthy coexistence.
Parents should be vigilant and not make the mistake of thinking that when one of their children harasses the other, it is very normal and typical behavior of siblings. It is your duty as responsible parents to identify if one of your children behaves like an abusive with their siblings or with the rest of the family nucleus.
When parents do not make the necessary corrections and, on the contrary, reaffirm that behavior, the abusive child will grow up thinking that what he does is fine and normal, reflecting that same behavior in his future relationships.
The sibling who is being abused may eventually suffer from psychological damage as a result of the episodes of violence he has suffered from the abusing sibling. Shouting and insults are sometimes more traumatic and leave bigger marks than physical blows. The impact can negatively influence the formation of the child's personality and her self-esteem.
Timely parental intervention
On the subject of family bullying, and especially bullying between siblings, the role played by parents is very important, since they are in charge of investigating what the causes and facts are that are causing the negative behavior of the so-called abusive brother to occur.
Psychologists and other specialists point out that when a person is abusive, it is because he achieves in his actions a way to manifest what has been done to him in the past, being an abused individual who becomes an abuser. If this is not the case, then the parents should make the abusive sibling aware of the feelings and the harm it causes the sibling who is being abused.
As for the victim, the parents must offer her all the emotional support that she will require to be able to recover from the abuse, working on her feelings and self-esteem, with the intention that she externalize what she feels and not lock herself in her suffering.
When this type of family bullying begins to affect all members of the family, then the ideal is to seek professional help. It should be remembered that situations framed within bullying between siblings can be seen by parents as common events that occur between siblings, which makes it difficult for them to identify the existence of the problem and the timely application of a solution.
The most appropriate response in this case is for parents to exercise the authority they have and to intervene in time. For children to grow up feeling protected and safe, they must have the value of discipline, being the parents' responsibility to apply it, restoring order to the home, establishing rules and limits.
Authority must be imparted in a balanced way, neither too strict nor too negligent, since otherwise the result will be weak and insecure children.
home tips
There are some tips that you can put into practice to deal effectively with family bullying, since there is no immediate solution. On the contrary, it is presented as a problem that must be solved little by little. Here are some tips:
- Within the family nucleus, parents must take the lead and guarantee their children a space free from the problems of the couple or other family members, so that they can develop in a balanced environment.
- Parents should listen to their children and be alert to signs of bullying that may manifest at home. It is important not to become judges or executioners of your children so that you have the confidence to communicate your dreams and desires to them.
- Parents must guarantee their children that their coexistence is within an environment of love, tolerance and respect, so that they can develop as independent beings.
- They must maintain a balance in their actions, that is, they cannot act with overprotection or with indifference and lack of interest in their children.
home safety for children
Research that has been carried out within the framework of the issue of family bullying has established that in marriages that have more than three children, the presence of abuse between siblings becomes more feasible, since the older ones tend to intimidate their younger siblings until they reach to subdue them.
Many of these reactions correspond to the feeling of a primitive instinct, generated by various factors. When the family is made up of only one child, he monopolizes for himself all the attention of his parents, but, when another member arrives in the family, he tends to feel threatened because he will no longer have exclusive attention, having to share the affections .
It is from there that jealousy arises and the older brother begins to behave selfishly, which to a certain extent is natural for it to happen, however, parents must be vigilant and intervene when they deem it appropriate or simply before it happens. the situation becomes a serious problem.
Children have the right to grow up and enjoy a quiet environment, surrounded by love and where they can feel safe. Their parents are responsible for providing it, since if they do not, they will present serious emotional conflicts in the future.
Family bullying, everyone's problem
Family bullying is not just a problem of parents within the family, but a phenomenon that ends up affecting all its members. That is why the ideal is to attack it with the help and collaboration of all.
Parents must assume the commitment to detect the problem and be attentive to the behavior that their children display, always putting themselves in their place before going out to judge their behavior severely. You must guide the abusive son and support the abused son more to correct the faults.
They must create the right conditions at home for their children to grow up with good self-esteem and family, personal and even religious values. If the violence is between parents, try to be more tolerant with each other and avoid fighting in front of your children.
Similarly, if the abuse occurs between parents and children, then the couple should seek professional help with guidance to improve treatment and communication with their children, as well as with the rest of the family members. And if you liked this topic, we invite you to review another one on our blog, for example Human training concept
