causes of emotional dependence they generate a psychological condition that affects relationships and harms the people who suffer from it, learn more about this topic by reading the following article.
Emotional dependence: Causes
Behavioral states in which emotional decisions are externally determined and subordinated are considered emotional dependencies. They are not anomalies or pathological diseases, nor are they considered disorders that alter people's mental well-being.
This type of condition occurs above all in couple relationships where instability and imbalance set the tone for behaviors and behaviors of a sentimental nature. We recommend you read the following article emotional management to learn more about this topic.
causes of emotional dependency puts their emotions and needs above the other party, leaving aside important situations that are only important to the other couple. Suffering is next to this type of relationship, discomfort is constantly manifested and the tranquility between the two is never balanced.
On certain occasions some people manage to identify the problem, others simply do not care to live with them and some make decisions where you decide to end emotional dependence in different ways, but to reach a solution to the problem you must go through different stages.
of knowledge
It is unknown to many and most do not realize that this problem exists. Knowledge is part of the beginning of a relationship where both are interested in each other. Then they begin to experience enthusiasm towards the other party and expectations grow in an exaggerated way, especially visualizations and thoughts are created about what the relationship will be like.
It is a phase where the mental image of the other person is built, idealizing with aspects of perfection without getting them any fault or error. This element is part of one of the causes of emotional dependence that is rarely resolved.
Subordination
When the relationship is consolidated, one of the parties seeks for whatever reason that it does not dissolve and assumes a submissive posture. The needs of the other person are put above the other and the imbalance and problems begin to grow.
destruction and deterioration
The relationship gradually deteriorates due to unstable conditions and lack of uniformity in the distribution of emotions expressed by one of the parties. Superiority is consolidated and the self-esteem of the submissive person drops to critical levels.
Fear is generated and discussions began and problems gradually lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Submission increases, the values and principles that once led the relationship to be harmonious and beautiful are completely lost. in the next article Self confidence concepts related to how to overcome fears are detailed.
Separation
At this stage the emotions are already totally unbalanced, there really is no love and the values are distorted. The rupture occurs and the most dependent person is disappointed, depressed and anxiety states begin. At this stage it is difficult to manage emotions which are impaired.
You enter the stage of withdrawal syndrome and seek again to resume the relationship regardless of whether it is toxic. Learn more about relationship abuse by reading the following article Sequels of psychological abuse in the couple
People rarely seek to join again after ending a relationship. The simple fact of returning allows one to resume the habits related to sentimental inequality, the same behaviors are repeated and emotional dependence reappears again. So the total culmination of the relationship is decided.
Subsequently, a process of reconstruction of emotions begins where both parties seek a new way to establish a new relationship with another person. The idea is to eliminate the feeling of loneliness that remains after such a breakup.
This process does not have a defined time, it is carried out in varied periods and each stage can even last for years. The process of emotional dependency can be stopped in time, if the dependent party seeks to change their way of dealing with the relationship.
Causes
It is believed that one of the causes of emotional dependence occurs during childhood. So it can be attributed to family or social situations presented during the first years of life.
The processes related to dependence on feelings during this stage are not decisive and the abilities to master certain attitudes are very limited. There is no autonomy and therefore it is difficult to establish equilibrium conditions.
Likewise, there are other elements that determine the presence of this problem in adulthood, which lead to the search for emotional dependency solutions Without having to consider them as a childhood problem, let's see what they are:
- Low self-esteem, conditioned by the environment, stimulated by instability and insecurity generated little by little in situations where autonomy in emotions is being lost. The people with whom they surround themselves during decline indirectly create an environment of emotional dependence. The reinforcement that one receives from one's environment with respect to self-esteem fosters dependent situations.
- Lack of affection, when the needs related to emotional attention are never present and were covered by the needs of others. So that affection was achieved thanks to the form of adaptation of the desires of others. Codes are formed where love and affection are granted through the adaptation and adjustment of the needs of others.
- False beliefs, this situation is generated by traditions and irrational beliefs, where love relationships are considered in terms of maintaining relationships at all costs, putting personal interests above. The objectives and the presence of values must be the same in the other person regardless of whether they are not in accordance with her own beliefs.
Symptom
The process related to the causes of emotional dependence gradually shows certain signs that must be observed by the affected person. In any case, the person causing the dependency generally does not realize the mistake he is making. Letting him know leads to the occurrence of other types of events. But let's see what the real symptoms of this problem are.
Magnification of a part
People who are below the person they adore tend to show the world as an unreal person. They describe them as having exceptional, perfect and extremely special qualities. At no time do they take into account the true virtues and ignore the defects, for whatever reason they hide them.
Dependent people truly believe that hiding their emotions allows them to manage the relationship in a way that can last for many years. They also consider that for convenience they should be next to a person of that type, since they protect and care for them.
These cases are observed a lot in women who come from living a rural life or immersed in spaces where they have material limitations. Some allege that they need to get out of poverty and the dependent person is like a kind of savior, who was able to get them out of rurality and poverty.
Fear of being rejected
The panic generated by thinking that a situation of abandonment or rejection of the partner can be created is one of the elements that keep the submissive person from reacting. Anxiety is generated and the scenarios are always directed towards suffering. These people seek to avoid anxiety by submitting to the emotional designs of the other person, fulfilling their wishes and indulging in all their needs.
Avoid loneliness.
Another symptom that manifests itself in people who are afraid of losing their partner is being alone, they are able to put aside their true feelings to please the other person. So they cling to them without expressing any kind of particular decision regarding the emotions.
Decision making problems
Dependent people do not maintain their own criteria, they remain submissive even when making a decision that benefits the couple. Their difficulties are enormous motivated by fear and they prefer to delegate their decision to the other party. Which is a rooted element that according to the experience of in certain cases never gets resolved.
Low self-esteem
Emotional dependencies are manifested to a greater degree when one of the parties has a very low self-esteem. It is conditioned by other people, they are in a situation in which their security depends a lot on the actions carried out by others. This demands an anxiety and urgent request for changes in the personal situation of the submissive. Since the dominant will never realize his mistake.
try to be nice
All behaviors related to submission determine unusual and unnatural behavior. The need to please is part of the dependent's life, it is necessary for him or her to be accepted by everyone. Their emotional life is very deficient and in some cases it does not even exist or has its own value.
The desires and needs of the dominant person are more important than those of the dependent person, who assumes this passive position regardless of the immediate consequences, for this reason he tries to be a person in whom everyone likes and present himself as someone who does not like him. affect these problems.
return syndrome
The causes of emotional dependence have as a goal, the culmination of the relationship and the separation of the couple, make decisions to avoid damage. However, this separation is not a total rupture. The dependent party tries again to establish contact to renew vows and relate again.
This is really a situation where almost 100% of the cases do not work out, but we also say that it is a situation that is activated due to the return syndrome or also called withdrawal.
For some reason or rather for various reasons that are not logical, the relationship after the separation seeks a meeting to be together again. It is mostly stimulated by the emotionally dependent part.
But it turns out that this is exactly where the problem lies. A relationship will never be different no matter how long they last, giving each other time or space. When emotional dependence exists, it can be said that there is a domain factor and rooted habit which becomes incorrigible.
set disclaimers
The autonomy of one of the parties related to the causes of emotional dependency, are formed and consolidated even stronger as the years go by. One of the parties always gives up the implementation of equality and balance in emotions.
Therefore, the actions he takes are established through the renunciation of routine family activities, meeting friends, life plans and personal development.
Dependents are absorbed by all the energies of their partner, they unconsciously declare themselves passive and do not assume important roles in married life, they renounce action and the passion for living.
Sense of guilt and emptiness
By maintaining a passive and submissive attitude for a long time in the face of emotional reality, people feel empty and hopeless, but not only in their environment but they manifest it through gestures and words. Demonstrating that for them the problem is not represented by their partner but by themselves.
This for many people is unheard of, however for dependent people it is a responsibility to assume the blame as something of their own. In this case, always out of fear that they will be abandoned and may be left alone. On the other hand, they consider themselves guilty even due to the presence of their partner's negative emotional states. They believe that if the other feels bad, they are responsible.
Treatment
Psychology has implemented in recent years treatments for emotional dependency, These treatments are primarily aimed at resolving mental situations created by the dependents themselves. Therefore, procedures such as:
- Assess self-esteem working with therapies that seek to develop internal tools in the person.
- Develop autonomy, implementing recoveries in the patient based on emotional balance through certain group therapeutic work.
- Tests and work related to other people's beliefs and experiences are carried out, taking advantage of the moment to relate their situation with other experiences.
- The integration of skills in solving problems with extreme difficulties is sought in some way, so that communication channels can be opened.
- One of the most important therapies is when it is carried out together with the couple, where through certain binding questions the problem is focused and the parties are expected to assume their responsibilities.
- All strategies must be carried out by a specialist in the area of psychology or psychiatry, also supported by visual and informative support material.
Conclusion
The situations created by the causes of emotional dependence represent very delicate situations for specialists. The person involved can seldom know that he is in an emotionally abnormal situation.
The justification is always fear and not trusting that things can be different, when true sentimental responsibilities are added. If for any reason you find yourself suffering from this situation, we recommend you immediately go to a specialist where you can try to express your situation .
However, the needs of the person sometimes determine that they can make the decision and have sufficient strength to present their case. Remember that the problems of these types worsen when you stay in the relationship for a long time. Many things are achieved with love, but some men and women use it to manipulate and obtain some benefits.
The dominant in certain cases are people full of limitations who behave in this way, to protect themselves and avoid harm to themselves. These issues are always of importance to psychologists, if you know of one, raise it and you will see how you get interesting answers.