Loneliness. Feeling lonely is a human condition; it is a natural feeling that doesn't always have to be negative, but can actually be useful.
Christmas is one of those times of year when you can feel alone even when surrounded by family and friends . So much so that some people become restless during this time, feeling sad and wanting to cry, or even wishing it would all be over quickly so they don't have to endure this loneliness.
What do we understand by loneliness and how can we recognize that we are feeling it?
The word "loneliness" currently makes us immediately think of something negative, something we want to avoid . This word has been given a negative connotation for so long that it has become stigmatized. Furthermore, some people know others who offer them nothing and are even toxic simply to avoid being alone, and this is due to this constant obsession with associating loneliness with something negative. The truth is that loneliness is a natural human condition and very often it is not only not a problem but also necessary and highly beneficial.
It's true that when loneliness becomes a habitual state of "disconnection" from others, it becomes a problem, a source of suffering because we feel isolated from society, excluded, ignored. This is the kind of loneliness that should be avoided, and which, unfortunately, is becoming increasingly common. But occasional moments of solitude are good for finding ourselves.
When loneliness is not something voluntary, but an effect of a mental illness
That said, we must keep in mind that loneliness caused by psychological distress should be monitored and addressed. In this case, it often stems from difficulty opening up to others or from social anxiety or difficulty coping with social situations. In these cases, the problem must be confronted, and efforts should be made to help the person surround themselves with enriching friends and people who contribute to their well-being and peace of mind.
Why can we feel lonely even when we are surrounded by people?
Many times we can be in the midst of many people, even loved ones such as family and friends, and feel alone. At this time, we find ourselves in the midst of many people, but we have a feeling of dissatisfaction, we feel restless, want to cry or even think that what we are doing is boring and nothing brings us joy.
People who experience this feeling in other people tend to feel ashamed of it, or even guilty. Sometimes they blame not only themselves, but also those around them—their partner, friends, or family. This only intensifies the feeling of being misunderstood, tired, and bored with life. It's a sense of having to participate in a situation they don't want to be in, of having to demonstrate a level of esteem they can't feel at that moment, and of pretending to connect emotionally.
symptoms of loneliness
One of the problems with loneliness is that it is a fish that bites its own tail, a vicious circle is created. The beginning is easy and it can happen to more than one of us. Among the most common symptoms we find:
- detachment;
- feeling of misunderstanding by others;
- thinking that we are different from the rest of the people, that we cannot mix with them because they are different;
- want to be away from the world, disconnect, withdraw from society in order to feel at peace, calm, good with ourselves.
Sometimes, personality traits can lead us to social isolation. For example, shy people are more likely to want to withdraw from society. Those who are introverted or tend to be melancholic are more likely to seek out moments of solitude and social disconnection. People who find it difficult to establish relationships with others may find in solitude a way to take refuge and protect themselves from humanity. But this is a double-edged sword because, while it initially seems like a refuge, it ends up being the problem. This refuge causes them to withdraw even further and worsens their distrust of others. We could say that loneliness and social withdrawal reinforce each other in a vicious cycle.
How can you face dates as marked as Christmas or New Year's Eve when we are really alone?
If you feel lonely what you should do is look for other people. This seems like a no-brainer and very easy to do, but it's a big challenge when you're lonely. We all know that friendships are the basic point to not feel alone. When we have friends we are nourished and enriched throughout our lives by their experiences. We do not live our only life, but we share several lives and that makes us evolve and enrich ourselves. That is why it is so important to cultivate friendships, whether they are those from many years ago or the most recent ones. People need to get out of our comfort zone and undermine fears of rejection or other aspects of life.
But if these special dates arrive and we don't have any friends nearby, we can always plan a trip, discover new places, go visit someone we haven't seen in a while... Or if we really don't have anyone, we should organize the week so that there are no empty spaces between days other than those we use for sleeping. In other words, fill every hour of the day to do things. An example would be choosing these dates to make changes around the home.
How can we make other people who feel lonely during these dates feel better?
If it's not us who feels lonely, but someone we know, the first thing we need to be clear about is that this is a common feeling, one that everyone will experience at some point in their lives. We must keep in mind that in loneliness, there is a need to "be in someone else's thoughts," that is, it's not about ourselves, but about "being thought of by someone else." This is a way of confirming our own existence. That's why it's very important that in cases where we detect that someone feels lonely, we must be there for them, talk to them, send them messages, call them, ask them how they are, show interest in them and their well-being.
Get them involved with us
One of the things we can do during this time is to include them in celebratory meals or dinners . Involve them in appetizers, family meals, or dinners with friends. This is the first step in letting them know that we've thought of them, that they are present, and that they exist and are important to other people.
In cases where loneliness is accompanied by psychological problems or social withdrawal, professional help would be advisable. A professional can guide individuals toward cultivating healthy solitude, which is characteristic of those who don't try to hide their true selves and feelings and who often experience internal conflicts. With professional guidance, social taboos can be overcome, enabling these individuals to focus on what fulfills and inspires them, thus rekindling their desire to share experiences with others.
The use of two key words in life is also very important: thank you and no . Knowing how to use these two words is fundamental to valuing the time you spend with yourself and with others. It's a way of becoming aware of yourself and your capacity to learn from relational mechanisms and to establish relationships with others.
Be there
Often, people who feel lonely, especially during this time of year, simply need you to be there for them, and for them to be there for you (even if they don't realize it). They need you to pay attention to them, to include them in your holiday plans or in your celebrations. They need you to thank them for being there so they can feel that their presence is not only not a burden but a source of happiness and joy. Sometimes it takes very little to make people happy, but we find it very difficult to express our own feelings.
If we make a person who is lonely present at a celebration, but then do not speak to them or make them feel that we are happy that they are there, we are not only not helping them at that moment, but we are aggravating their need to isolating and not wanting to participate in anything that represents socializing with others.