El The violence meter has become one of the best known and most effective tools to name those behaviors that are often disguised as affection, interest, or protection, but which are actually violence. It's as simple as a 30-centimeter ruler, but its impact has reached schools, families, workplaces, and people of all ages in different countries.
Although it may seem like a simple piece of equipment, the violence meter It summarizes years of research, testimonies, and work in violence prevention.It allows you to see at a glance how abuse escalates, from behaviors that many people consider "normal" to serious physical assaults and femicide. And it does so with clear, accessible, and direct language, helping anyone identify if they are experiencing or perpetrating violence.
What is the violence meter and what is it used for?
The violence meter is a graphic and didactic material in the form of a ruler It depicts different levels of violence in interpersonal relationships, especially romantic relationships. It emerged as a highly visual way to explain that abuse doesn't begin with a blow, but rather tends to escalate from attitudes and behaviors that gradually become normalized.
Its great value lies in the fact that It helps to be alert to signs that are often minimized.These actions are justified or even mistaken for expressions of love. Hurtful comments, cruel jokes, emotional blackmail, or constant jealousy are often seen as part of a relationship, when in reality they are forms of psychological abuse.
In addition, the violence meter It is not only useful in the educational fieldIt is also used in family, work, and community settings. Any relationship involving control, humiliation, or aggression can be better understood through this tool, which encourages us to examine how we relate to others.
A key aspect is that The behaviors that appear on the violence meter are not always consecutive.It is not mandatory for someone to go through all the levels; they may skip some or certain behaviors may be mixed. For example, someone may start with humiliating jokes and, without going through minor physical aggression, escalate directly to serious threats.
Over time, the violence meter has been updated to incorporate forms of violence associated with digital technologiesToday, checking a partner's phone, harassing them on social media, or sharing intimate content without permission are very common forms of aggression, and the tool includes them to remain useful in the digital age.
Origin of the violence meter: from the IPN of Mexico to the rest of the world
The violence meter was born in Mexico, in the National Polytechnic Institute (IPN)Thanks to the work of the researcher Martha Alicia Tronco RosasShe holds a doctorate in Philosophy and Educational Sciences and is the founder of the Institutional Program for Management with a Gender Perspective at the IPN. What began as an internal project has now expanded to multiple countries and has been translated into several languages, from Mayan to Italian, Basque, and Chinese.
It all began when Tronco promoted the creation of a gender unit within the IPNShe observed that female scientists had fewer opportunities for advancement than their male colleagues and that they hardly held leadership positions. By creating a specific space to work on equality, problems that were not entirely visible began to surface.
Many people began to leave him anonymous letters describing situations of abuseStudents suffering from partner violence, harassed workers, managers with abusive behavior… These discreet but constant complaints showed that violence was much more widespread than previously thought.
In response, Tronco decided to develop a large survey among more than 14.000 students Students from the IPN's middle and upper levels were surveyed. Topics covered included health, substance use, pregnancy and unplanned parenthood, and, of course, violent relationships. The only requirement for participation was having had at least one romantic relationship in the past year.
The results set off all the alarms: Many girls and boys recounted violent acts without recognizing them as such., a phenomenon linked to origin of bullyingComments like “he’s jealous, but only a little,” “sometimes he pushes me, but it’s not serious,” “he checks my phone from time to time,” or “he pinches me playfully” were common. These responses reflected a widespread idea that, if there is love, certain forms of aggression are acceptable.
For Tronco, the underlying problem was clear: Violence was disguised as protection, care, or loveAnd that made it very difficult to identify. Hence the need to create a simple, economical, and practical resource that would open the eyes of students, teachers, and anyone who saw it on their desk, in a classroom, or in an office.
How the Violence Meter Rule Was Designed
The design of the violence meter started from a very simple idea: a 30-centimeter desk ruler that could be used in everyday life and wouldn't end up in the trash. Each centimeter included one of the behaviors that had appeared in the survey, ordered from the seemingly mildest to the most extreme.
To facilitate understanding, the rule is divided into three colored sectionseach one associated with a level of alert. In this way, the person looking at it can place their experiences (or their own behavior) within a scale that ranges from the most subtle to the most dangerous.
On first stretch This category includes behaviors that don't involve direct physical aggression, but do cause psychological or emotional harm. These include actions such as making hurtful jokes, ridiculing, lying, controlling who someone talks to or where they go, and constant jealousy. Many people see these behaviors as insignificant, but they gradually erode the other person's self-esteem and freedom.
El second section It includes acts of aggression that are beginning to manifest more directly, although they are often still not perceived as serious violence: breaking personal belongings, pushing, hitting, pinching, pulling, or slapping. Here, it is clear how abuse translates into physical actions, although the aggressor tends to justify it by saying it was "a fit of rage" or an "accident."
El third section This encompasses situations of extreme physical violence and the most severe forms of aggression. These include threats with objects or weapons, death threats, coercion into sexual relations, rape, and, at the extreme end of the scale, murder or femicide. At this stage, physical, emotional, and sexual integrity is at serious risk, and it is vital to seek help immediately.
It is important to insist that You don't need to go over every detail to talk about violence.A person can remain at the initial levels of psychological control for years or, conversely, quickly escalate to serious physical or sexual abuse. The key is to recognize that, from the outset, it is a harmful relationship.
Violence in everyday life: what was not seen as violence
One of the greatest contributions of the violence meter is that It makes visible forms of violence that are often overlooked. in everyday life. Many women, and men too, have grown up hearing that jealousy is a sign of love, that it's normal for your partner to have an opinion about the clothes you wear or who you associate with, or that certain jokes are just "couple stuff."
The violence meter makes it clear that invading privacy, checking mobile phones, demanding passwords, or prohibiting people from seeing certain individuals These are not signs of interest, but rather mechanisms of control. Similarly, insults, public ridicule, hurtful comparisons, or systematic ignoring are devaluing strategies that, over time, erode self-esteem.
In countries like Mexico, where gender violence is a a very widespread and complex realityThis tool has had a particular impact. Femicides are a very serious problem: various official figures have shown that numerous women die violently every day, and many of these deaths are preceded by a long chain of normalized aggressions.
But the usefulness of the violence meter is not limited to domestic violence. It also helps to detect violent patterns in the family, at work, or in friendship circles.The same logic of control, isolation, and humiliation can appear between parents and children, between bosses and employees, or between classmates.
Behind all this are the well-known gender mandates and rolesThese are learned from childhood and reinforced daily. It is taught, more or less explicitly, that some command and others obey, that men should control and women should accommodate. In the name of love, impositions are justified that, in reality, are acts of violence.
The three levels of the violence meter and their colors
To help anyone identify where their experience falls within the spectrum of their situation, the violence meter use a color scaleSimilar to a traffic light, although some models also incorporate an initial green level. This coding makes it easier to associate each behavior with the degree of danger and the need to react.
The most widespread versions mention three main levels: green, yellow and redEach one groups certain types of behaviors and suggests the type of response that should be taken (talk, ask for support, seek professional help, go to the police, etc.).
On green level This includes forms of psychological violence that often go unnoticed: hurtful jokes, humiliating comments, emotional blackmail, subtle control over schedules or company, or behaviors such as stalking the other person on social media. Even without physical violence, this still constitutes a violation of respect and autonomy.
El yellow level This indicates that the situation is worsening and that urgent measures should be taken. This stage includes attitudes such as constantly blaming the partner, manipulating them, blackmailing them with threats of abandonment or self-harm, and the beginning of less intense physical or sexual aggression. Also included in this stage is... sextortionThat is, blackmail with intimate images or videos.
On red level The person is already in a high-risk situation. This includes severe physical assaults, threats with weapons, rape, attempted strangulation, serious injuries, and, in the most extreme case, femicide or murder. At this point, The absolute priority is protection and reportingbecause life is in danger.
This way of ordering behaviors helps to understand that There is no such thing as “small” or “harmless” violenceAny act that seeks to control, humiliate, frighten, or harm is part of the same problem. Putting it on a scale isn't meant to diminish the importance of what happens in the green zone, but rather to show how, if not stopped in time, it can escalate to the red zone.
Digital violence and the Olimpia Law
With the expansion of technologies, the violence meter has incorporated forms of violence that occur through mobile phones, social networks and the internetThis is no minor addition: today, much of the control and harassment is exercised through digital channels, often constantly and omnipresently.
These behaviors include obsessively monitoring social media activityReviewing conversations without permission, demanding that all passwords be shared, bombarding with messages to control where the person is and with whom, or publishing humiliating content about them.
One of the most serious forms of digital violence is sextortionThreatening to distribute intimate photos or videos to obtain something (money, more images, maintaining the relationship, subjecting the person to some type of behavior). This violence is already addressed in legal reforms such as the well-known Olympia Law in Mexico, which protects against the dissemination of intimate content without consent.
The fact that the violence meter has added these behaviors shows that The tool is kept up-to-date and connected to social realityViolence is not confined to the physical realm; it seeps into chats, Instagram stories, messaging groups, and any digital space where there are unequal power relations.
For young people, who spend a large part of their social lives online, Recognizing digital violence is fundamentalIt is not "normal" for someone to force you to send them intimate photos, to coerce you with private content, or to make you feel afraid every time your mobile phone turns on.
Why is it so hard to recognize violence?
One of the most powerful reflections linked to the violence meter is that It is not always easy to realize that you are experiencing violenceThere are many factors involved: the affection felt for the other person, the fear of being alone, the shame of talking about it, or the idea that "this can't be happening to me."
Martha Tronco compares violence with a dampness that is growing on the wallAt first, nothing is visible, perhaps just a small stain, something ignored or covered up. Little by little it spreads, and by the time one wants to react, the stain has covered the entire wall. Similarly, people gradually incorporate what their partner wants, giving up ground, renouncing things, until one day they no longer recognize themselves.
To this is added that Feeling embarrassed is very commonMany women don't recognize themselves as victims; they think they're exaggerating, that perhaps it's their fault, or that other people are worse off. Furthermore, society continues to blame the victim ("Why doesn't she leave?", "Why does she allow it?") instead of focusing on the perpetrator.
Another key element is that Violence rarely appears suddenly in its most extreme form.It usually starts very subtly: an annoying joke, a comment about how you dress, a "I don't like you talking to that person," a jealous outburst that's later offset by a romantic gesture. This is how a relationship is built in which the victim ends up doubting their own judgment.
That's why the violence meter insists on the importance of doing a personal exercise in self-knowledge and review of relationshipsAsking yourself what you are tolerating, what you are normalizing, what you are repeating from past relationships or from your own family environment, can be uncomfortable, but it is an essential part of breaking with violent patterns.
Impact of the violence meter and its international expansion
Since its creation, the violence meter has transcended the borders of the IPN and of MexicoToday it can be found in schools, universities, health centers, public institutions, and social organizations in countries such as Chile, Venezuela, Spain, and China, among others. Specific adaptations have also been developed for different cultural contexts.
Translations have been made into languages as different as Mayan, Italian, Basque, or ChineseThe aim is to ensure the message reaches more people in their own language. Furthermore, some organizations have adapted the content based on their experience with survivors of gender-based violence, adjusting examples and expressions to the local context.
Over time, the project has led to other complementary toolsVersions of the violence meter have been designed to encourage reflection not only on whether one is experiencing violence, but also on whether one is perpetrating it. Based on this, mobile applications and digital resources have been created, primarily aimed at younger people.
The impact has been felt even in small, everyday gestures: grandmothers requesting violence meters for their grandchildrenSchools distribute it as an end-of-year gift, and companies incorporate it into internal awareness campaigns. Little by little, it has become a recognizable symbol of the fight against violence in relationships.
Internationally, data shows that violence against women is a widespread reality: UN Women estimates that around one in three women In the world, one woman has experienced physical or sexual violence from a partner, or sexual violence from someone outside of a relationship, at least once in her life. In 2023, it was estimated that more than 51.000 women and girls were killed by their partners or other family members worldwide.
Recognizing violence is essential to stopping it.
Violence is often associated with extreme images: visible beatings, rapes, murdersHowever, in the context of domestic or partner violence, the problem often begins much earlier, in details that many people do not recognize as aggression.
The violence meter is precisely for this purpose. visualize that progression that goes from isolation and control to physical and sexual abuseBehaviors based on devaluation, blame, or emotional blackmail may seem tolerable at first, but over time they create a climate that becomes increasingly difficult to escape.
Understanding this escalation is fundamental to “to stop the blow” when we are still at the first levelsIf you notice that your partner is overly controlling, humiliating, ridiculing, or invading your privacy, it's time to ask for help, talk to someone you trust, go to specialized services, or call helplines for victims of violence.
It is also key to dismantle the idea that If your partner is jealous, restrictive, or hits you, it's because they love you.This deeply ingrained belief only contributes to normalizing dangerous relationships. Love should never hurt, frighten, or make the other person feel less than.
From a prevention perspective, the violence meter It allows these topics to be addressed in educational centers, associations, and community spaces.helping teenagers and young adults recognize problematic dynamics from their earliest relationships. The sooner these are identified, the easier it is to stop them.
The importance of including men and embracing diversity
Another key aspect that Tronco's work, and that of many other organizations, brings to the forefront is the need to to integrate men into the conversation about violenceIt is not enough to only address women as potential victims; it is essential that men review their models of masculinity and the way in which they exercise power in relationships.
In workshops and courses on parenting, for example, a very simple question is posed: “Do you want to be like the father you had?”For many men, this issue opens a significant rift; they recognize that they do not want to repeat the same shouting, beatings, or absences they experienced as children, and that they need tools to relate to their daughters and sons in a different way.
It is also essential to talk about intersectionality in violenceIt is not the same to be a white woman with higher education and financial resources as it is to be an Indigenous, lesbian, illiterate woman living in poverty. The forms of violence, the barriers to seeking help, and the chances of leaving an abusive relationship vary greatly depending on these circumstances.
Global figures show that, in the case of men, Only a small percentage of homicides occur in the private sphereWhile for women and girls, most murders are committed by someone within their own family. This reveals a structural pattern of gender-based violence, linked to deeply entrenched power inequalities.
Working with the violence meter therefore implies, to question inherited norms, customs, and ideasIt involves re-examining how we learned to love, to argue, to ask, and to compromise. And it also demands a collective commitment: families, schools, institutions, and communities must all get involved in changing these models so that future generations don't keep repeating the same patterns.
The violence meter condenses into a simple rule a whole map of behaviors that previously went unnoticed and that today can be named, discussed and confronted. Naming the violence is the first step to stop experiencing it.Placing it on a scale allows us to see it more clearly, make decisions, and ask for help in time. Although information alone does not transform reality, combined with social support, care networks, and changes in power structures, it becomes a powerful tool for building freer, more respectful, and safer relationships.
